Последнее время мне все о тебе напоминает так словно я не имею права тебя забыть. Но поверь мне, я больше не собираюсь оставлять тебе место ни в своей голове, ни в своей жизни, ни в своем сердце. Прощай.

Alright, let's break down what we have here:

1. I feel more detached from what I write if I write in English, not in my mothertongue. It kind of helps me see everything from the outside, like a stranger watching, not judging, but contemplating.

2. I feel like a useless piece of shit. To be more exact, I was feeling really down in the dumps, really frustrated and depressed, then I had a week away, which has recharged me a bit, but the fact remains true anyway. Just doesn't hurt as much now.

3. Conflicts with relatives are R E A L L LY infuriating. For many years these conversations keep happening, relentlessly, stubbornly, leaving nothing but smoldering anger behind. I wish people understood the fact that their children are not children anymore and have a legitimate right to live their life.

An interesting remark: I have lived abroad for 3 (three!) years, and the only thing of interest to my family is when I am going to have kids. Not what my life is like. Not what I feel and what I think about. Not what books I read or films that I recently watched. Only when I am going to have babies. Or, alternatively, there are arguments about my stupid generation.

4. I have fallen in love with the city I am living in. I didn't anticipate it because it actually gets lots of hate, and I can compare it with the cities I have recently visited. True, it is not the best. But this week's trip has opened my eyes somehow. The haze is gone, I actually missed the city. It is quaint, cozy and quiet. And beautiful, too. So maybe I was wrong all along, and I still have the chance to love this country and stop second-guessing my life choices.

Как сложно принять и полюбить что-то, когда ты сердцем от этого чего-то просто отвернулся
Стоишь и не видишь ничего хорошего.

А как хорошее разглядеть, отвернувшись? Да никак. Не видно ничего. Как слепой дурак стоишь и страдаешь