I am fine. I have a job I love. I finally earn my own money. I have my bf and my friends. I'm going back to therapy just for support.

I am okay.

I'm having the best time of my life.
Maybe I'll tell you later.

The only moment I regret I have like four friends is when all of them are busy or unable to go with me somewhere. And one of them is in another city to top all that.
Fuck.

You know how you have a habit of thinking that everything's okay and you feel better? Well, you need to lose it. Cause when you do think that, things usually go down the drain.

I think I know what's wrong with me. It's that feeling, the realization that… Well, I'm not a priority anymore. Simple as that.

Think about it, jeez!
Why do you keep tormenting yourself and cry your eyes out. I hope that's PMS, but you know it's not only that.
It's never gonna go away that way. Or heal.
It was so silly of you to think that the change of scenery and activities on itself is going to help. Nothing is gonna make you stop hurting except you.
So start acting like an adult. Make the right choices. Like you did once already. You did make a right one and you know it. So make some more.
And when you do - once you do! - stick to it.

This year (from last September to current one) was the craziest year of my life. It was the happiest and the most miserable of all. I'm grateful for it and I want it gone from my life.
This year was complicated. I loved it. And I hated it.
But I guess, no matter what I say or feel, I don't really regret having it. It taught me quite a lot.
I'm accepting it. And moving on.

I need to learn how to talk to people properly. To be less aggressive, less sarcastic. It's almost never funny to anyone. I'm the only one enjoying it.
Cause I'm fucking selfish.
And mean.
And I don't have much friends not only because I don't want to (although that's still a thing), but because of those reasons above.
Need to learn to control the things I say.
Need to shut up sometimes.
I'm neither ugly nor stupid. Just very, very mean. That's why nobody likes me.
No one will ever like a person who spits poison while talking.
So be kinder.
Be smarter than this.
And calmer.
C'mon, Ann, it's time to grow up. Time to forgive humanity for everything.
You know how much some words and actions can hurt. You do. So stop trying to hurt people back.
Be better.
And maybe it'll come back to you.

Oh, that's just great!
Yeah, let's start this shit all over, you being a selfish bastard, me being a little selfish victim.
Fucking hate it.
You know I hurt.
And yet you do stuff, just "cause you shouldn't".
I know I shouldn't. But it's fucking how it is.

The funny part is, I still don't hate.

When you do your best, but still wanna cry at any moment of the day. And sometimes do, not even yourself knowing the clear reason.
And it's not like something extraordinary happened.
I guess I'm just… tired. And maybe lonely. But mostly morally exhausted.
I need some rest. And peace.
Wanna take a break from everything and just go to another city or even country. Forget about all my troubles for a week. Relax. Gain some strength.

Seas and forests of the world, come to me. Since I can't come to you.

Don't need any relationship right now. Nope. Whatsoever.
I just wanna be my old self again.
Stop crying so often and feeling awful. Stop remembering stuff from not so long ago and try to find the truth in words. There's no truth anymore. It doesn't matter. Whatever I'm looking for is not there.
I wanna be happy again. Enjoy every day of my life without all the thoughts I'm having now. And I'm having too much of those. Sometimes you need to stop thinking. I need to learn how to do that. ASAP.
I need to move out. For the first time I'm actually waiting for the summer to end, cause I'll definitely be out by then. Definitely.
And I've made a huge mistake thinking it was only friendly. It wasn't. I craved for more and I shouldn't. And I won't anymore.
I've decided that I wanna be over it. And I will be, cause I'm strong. I cry all the time, cause it's hard to be strong, but better this than miserable and alone and missing. Better cry it all out while I can.
But we're friends. Good ones. And I hope not to lose that. Cause I care. And he cares.
Let's just leave it at that.

I just hope you can break out of this web you've spun for yourself.
It's not doing you any good. And you know it.
But the web is so sweet you'd stay in it forever.
Well, don't. Listen to this wise fly.
I'm only here to help.

He was right, you know.
We ARE merging black holes.
And it only creates more destruction.
Creates destruction. Ha.
But I'm happy with the place we are at now.
So no complains.

он умер, семы нет. ТТ__ТТ
а ведь ровно год назад он писал рассписку, что возьмет меня в жены.
я не забуду прошлое лето, и нынешнее тоже.
я ненавижу это лето

мне снятся сны, только когда я болею или когда плохо. я готова потерпеть еще пару дней, чтобы были сновидения с ним. я так скучаю по нему. кто бы мог подумать.