I fucking love it when I tell mom smth like "you do this and this and it's unpleasant" and she's like "I DON'T DO IT AND NOT DOING IT NOW", and you're like "maybe, yeah, maybe not now, just talking from experience, cause you do it a lot", and she's "I'M OFFENDED NOW I DON'T DO IT".

Right, mom. Right. It's just my imagination. You were not the reason for all my complexes and anxiety that I had to deal with myself. And am still dealing with.
Лежишь на диване, парень играет рядом в комп, и говоришь: "я пизда". И он, без заминки и не задумываясь, продолжает: "… тая".
so dumb
So… My cat's got a ringworm. That's not nice. And nah, she's fine ans will be fine.
The stupid part is that I can get it as well, if my immune system is weak. And guess who fucking got sick a day ago? Me! Yay! Fucking hate myself right now.
Also, I hope Gloria is not too bored in the bathroom by herself. I can't even be with her, really.

Приехали родители(наконец!), и дом наполнился суетой и шумом.
И сразу стало как-то уютнее и светлее, ощущения такие, будто их несколько недель дома не было, а не несколько дней. Не представляю, как я от них на полтора месяца уеду


It's Christmas alright. For me the whole December is.
Also I got those beautiful fairy lights I've always wanted, so that's amazing.

they say crazy is popular; well, fuck
This year (from last September to current one) was the craziest year of my life. It was the happiest and the most miserable of all. I'm grateful for it and I want it gone from my life.
This year was complicated. I loved it. And I hated it.
But I guess, no matter what I say or feel, I don't really regret having it. It taught me quite a lot.
I'm accepting it. And moving on.
can't even move out properly
Oh, c'mon, universe! What have I done? Why can't things ever go my way?
I'm so tired of hoping and never actually getting anything.
Just tired.
when you're sitting outside and staring into the nothing
Don't need any relationship right now. Nope. Whatsoever.
I just wanna be my old self again.
Stop crying so often and feeling awful. Stop remembering stuff from not so long ago and try to find the truth in words. There's no truth anymore. It doesn't matter. Whatever I'm looking for is not there.
I wanna be happy again. Enjoy every day of my life without all the thoughts I'm having now. And I'm having too much of those. Sometimes you need to stop thinking. I need to learn how to do that. ASAP.
I need to move out. For the first time I'm actually waiting for the summer to end, cause I'll definitely be out by then. Definitely.
And I've made a huge mistake thinking it was only friendly. It wasn't. I craved for more and I shouldn't. And I won't anymore.
I've decided that I wanna be over it. And I will be, cause I'm strong. I cry all the time, cause it's hard to be strong, but better this than miserable and alone and missing. Better cry it all out while I can.
But we're friends. Good ones. And I hope not to lose that. Cause I care. And he cares.
Let's just leave it at that.
going in circles
Moms are weird. Sometimes they make it so much harder on you, and sometimes so much easier.
Like today, while we talked, she managed to do both in an hour. Ridiculous.
But I believe, I know that everything is going to be alright. With my life, with their life. We deserve it. And all of us will be finally happy.

Until shit hits the fan again. But at least we'll have a break.
when it rains, it pours
Why can I never have one problem at a time? It always has to be a shit load of them.
And yes, I think I got over. I THINK. Ha. I hope.
But all the other stuff won't just disappear. And I so want it to. To resolve itself.

I just wanna be happy. For a moment. Truly happy.